Have Better Sex. Give Up Your Diet.

Let's talk about sex, ba-by! 

I love talking with couples and and individuals about sex. It's such an important part of life, both in and out of a relationship, that I'm always a bit vexed by the shame that often accompanies sexuality. 

I've noticed that there's a prevailing idea in our culture that the people having the best sex are those deemed "sexy" by diet culture's thin ideal. Heck, I tried searching for a great thumbnail photo for this blog post by entering "intimacy" into the search bar of my royalty-free photo source and the totality of what came up was thin, young, white, heterosexual couples. Reinforcing this idea that somehow people in smaller bodies, able bodies, white bodies, people taking up smaller spaces inherently have better sex because...they are "sexier." 

Um, no. 

This has to be one of the most blatantly false ideas about sex out there. (And there are a lot). Good sex has literally nothing to do with the size or shape of a person's body. Good sex, solo or partnered, has everything to do with the amount of compassion, love, and trust you cultivate for yourself, and the intimacy, connection, and trust you foster with your partner. 

Listen, I don't care what your body looks like; if you spend your days judging it, trying to change it, attempting to wrangle control over it (which, hello, is the very foundation of diet culture) - your sex life is going to suffer. Because those same issues are going to follow you into the bedroom. You're not going to feel the freedom, adventure, and playfulness that make up fantastic sex if you're spending mental energy on how you look in the act, or what your partner thinks of you. 

The best sex happens when people are uninhibited by self-judgment. You can't fully trust another person with your body, if you can't trust yourself with your body. And you deserve to have this free, adventurous, playful sex now, in the exact body you have today. Lights-on, eyes-open, any-position-that-feels-good sex. Fulfilling, satisfying, relaxed-at-times, on-fire-all-the-time sex.

Enter body respect. Enter self-compassion. Enter shame-free sexuality. The more you welcome these friends into your life, the better your sex life will be.